CONRAJ



…be looking shife / so I look shife back

…be looking shife / so I look shife back

Getting Through Chhatrapati Shivaji International Airport, International Departures Terminal

  1. Exit the lineless scrum of furiously-honking cars.
  2. Show your passport and a print-out of your boarding pass to mustachioed soldier with the dinky-looking assault rifle guarding the entrance to the airport. If you neglected to print out a boarding pass prior to arrival, you’ll need to cajole his terrifying Sikh superior into finding your name on the dot-matrix printout listing the names of every passenger traveling out of the airport that day.
  3. Find the check-in line for your airline (appropriate signage doesn’t really exist).
  4. Show your passport and visa to an attendant and get tags for your hand luggage. Wait in line.
  5. Once you’re at the front of the line (but before walking to the check-in counter), show your passport and visa to an attendant and answer questions about who packed your bags and where they’ve been since they were packed. Get a sticker on the back of your passport to confirm that you answered the questions correctly. No one will look at this sticker again.
  6. Walk to the check-in counter, and show them your passport and visa. Drop your bags off and get your boarding pass.
  7. Since you’re flying in bizzy, someone was supposed to give you a pass to the Lufthansa lounge but didn’t. Return to where you got the tags for your hand luggage and show your boarding pass to that guy, who will fill out a form by hand (plus the requisite stamp) to get you in the lounge. 
  8. Proceed to the immigration section and fill out a “departure card,” which requests the exact same information that was requested on your “entry card.” 
  9. Show your boarding pass to a guard at the front of the line to get into the special Firsty-Bizzy / Diplomat / PIO line. 
  10. Show your passport to the clerk and get the exit stamp.
  11. Show your passport and boarding pass to a guard stationed between immigration and the security line, then move into the sex-appropriate single-file security line for the terminal (they got one for the ladies and one for the gents). When you get up to the screening section, use your elbows and feet to keep people who are trying to cut you in line at bay (India is not a “wait in line” culture).
  12. Go through the metal detector, stand on a platform, and get screened closely with the metal detector wand and a bit of patting down. Show your boarding pass to the guard to get the necessary stamp.
  13. Proceed to the scrum where people are pulling baggage out of the backside of the x-ray screener. Find a guard to get stamps on the tags on your hand baggage.
  14. To exit the screening area, show the tags on your hand baggage to a guard at the top of an escalator leading down to the main concourse.
  15. Main concourse: acquire coffee / dosa / precious jewels, then go the Lufthansa lounge to eat breadsticks and watch Asian dudes drink beer through straws. 
  16. When your flight is called for boarding, proceed to your gate and wait in another very long, single-file line. 
  17. Show the tags on your hand baggage to a guard, again. 
  18. Show your passport to an airline attendant and give her your boarding pass. 
  19. Walk down a hallway until you encounter an airline attendant who asks you those questions about your baggage again. This time, there is no sticker for providing the correct answer. 
  20. Get in one of two lines to go through security again. It doesn’t really matter which one, since they both end at the same place, a big scrum of people putting stuff on the x-ray conveyor belt. 
  21. Go through the metal detector, this time with your shoes off. Stand on a platform, show your boarding pass stub and passport to the guard, and receive a close patdown. 
  22. Reclaim your baggage from the scrum on the backside of the x-ray machine, proceed to your plane. You can show your boarding pass and passport to people standing next to the entrance to the plane, but this seems to be optional.

“If, for a while, the ruse of desire is calculable for the uses of discipline soon the repetition of guilt, justification, pseudo-scientific theories, superstition, spurious authorities, and classifications can be seen as the desperate effort to “normalize” formallythe disturbance of a discourse of splitting that violates the rational, enlightened claims of its enunciatory modality.”

“If, for a while, the ruse of desire is calculable for the uses of discipline soon the repetition of guilt, justification, pseudo-scientific theories, superstition, spurious authorities, and classifications can be seen as the desperate effort to “normalize” formallythe disturbance of a discourse of splitting that violates the rational, enlightened claims of its enunciatory modality.”

There’s a crocodile autopsy playing on Animal Planet, and Indian TV is blurring out the crocodile’s heart, though not any of its other innards, nor the anesthetized spread-eagle monkey’s testicles that AP is using as a teaser for some other show. Nonviolence?

Total cost for a round of ciproflaxin/tinidazole + paracetamol + oral rehydrating salts + an antacid that I won’t take because I’m not having acid reflux issues = $3.63. Plus free delivery!

Breakfast

  • What is labeled as sweet lassi is actually salt masala lassi
  • The Deccan Chronicle runs two different versions of the same story about Maoist insurgents blowing up train tracks in Jharkhand, its own story on the front page and one from wire services on page 8
  • Vampy Weekend plays softly over the PA

Thanks to an odd turn of events, I went yesterday evening to India’s first professional skateboarding exhibition, featuring Tony Hawk, Andy Macdonald, and dudes I’d never heard of because I haven’t watched the X Games since I was 12. The crowd in the VIP section, to which we had access through a coworker’s diamong-earringed luxury apartment broker, was probably 50% hyperprivileged Bombay teenagers and 50% 20/30something nightclub scene types (dudes had long hair and deeply unbuttoned shirts, ladies were mostly models and would-be models). 

The heat, humidity, and jetlag really took their toll on the skaters. Tony Hawk kept trying for “the 900,” a 2.5x aerial spin that is apparently his signature move, but he couldn’t stick the landing. Each time he wiped out and dragged his face across the pipe, the horrible announcer kept saying things like “Don’t worry, we won’t let him leave until he gets the 900” and trying to pump up a crowd that didn’t care much about skateboarding (why would they? there’s no place to skate: the sidewalks are crumbling and covered in shanties / feral dogs / out-of-control scooters). After the seventh or eighth tumble, a very sweaty Tony lay face-down on the pipe for a minute or two while the announcer kept promising he’d try again. The awfulness ended when he did a cool somersault dismount and graciously said his goodbyes, the First Indian 900 unattained.

There was also techno music, lots of it. I sniped a pic of an BomBro wearing a dirty UGA baseball cap (Fig. 2). That girl in the foreground wearing the blue top looked like Kaavs and was wearing diamond earrings the size of small grapes.

Unintended Consequences / Vultures

  1. Anti-inflammatory drug bioaccumulates in people/livestock >
  2. Vultures feeding on the corpses die of renal failure > 
  3. Gyps indicus population nearly wiped out >
  4. Feral dogs fill the scavenger niche
  5. Disease (incl. rabies) risks increase + leopards move into populated areas to eat the excess dogs.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diclofenac#Ecological_effects

Ecological effects

Use of diclofenac in animals has been reported to have led to a sharp decline in the vulture population in the Indian subcontinent, 95% decline in 2003,[22] 99.9% decline as of 2008. The mechanism is, it is presumed, renal failure, a known side-effect of diclofenac. Vultures eat the carcasses of livestock that have been administered veterinary diclofenac, and are poisoned by the accumulated chemical.[23] At a meeting of the National Wildlife Board in March 2005, the Government of India announced that it intended to phase out the veterinary use of diclofenac.[24]Meloxicam is a safer candidate to replace use of diclofenac.[25] It is more expensive than diclofenac, but the price is coming down as more drug companies begin to manufacture it.[26]

“The loss of tens of millions of vultures over the last decade has had major ecological consequences across the Indian subcontinent that pose a potential threat to human health. In many places, populations of feral dogs (Canis familiaris) have increased sharply from the disappearance of Gyps vultures as the main scavenger of wild and domestic ungulate carcasses. Associated with the rise in dog numbers is an increased risk of rabies[25] and casualties of almost 50,000 people.[27] The Government of India cites one of those major consequences as a vulture species extinction.[24] A major shift in transfer of corpse pathogens from vultures to feral dogs and rats can lead to a disease pandemic causing millions of deaths in a crowded country like India; whereas vultures’ digestive systems safely destroy many species of such pathogens.

The resulting multiplication of feral dogs in India and Pakistan has caused a multiplication of leopards feeding on those dogs and invading urban areas looking for dogs to prey on, resulting in occasional attacks on human children.[28]

The loss of vultures has had a social impact on the Indian Zoroastrian Parsi community, who traditionally use vultures to dispose of human corpses in Towers of Silence, but are now compelled to seek alternate methods of disposal.[25]

Notes from Last Night’s Drive Down to Nariman Point
The drive is 6.4 miles and typically takes about an hour. Last night, I went after rush hour, so it only took 50 minutes. Average travel speed: 7.7 mph.
Traffic sucks because everyone who can drive drives because public transportation runs at 2-3x capacity (the official term is “super-dense crush load”) and real estate is prohibitively expensive so you have to live far from your work, but even if that weren’t the case you couldn’t walk because there aren’t sidewalks because people have built shacks on them.
Crossing the Haji Ali interchange heading southbound to Pedder Road requires going through three red lights and making a U-turn in front of a mall with heavy pedestrian traffic. This schematic boggles the mind. 
 If I had a dollar for every time I saw a couple sharing a scooter in which the male driver had chivalrously given his helmet to the woman clinging to his back, I would have $0. 
Did we hit that pedestrian or did that pedestrian hit us? I think the latter. Anyways, everybody’s fine!

Notes from Last Night’s Drive Down to Nariman Point

  • The drive is 6.4 miles and typically takes about an hour. Last night, I went after rush hour, so it only took 50 minutes. Average travel speed: 7.7 mph.
  • Traffic sucks because everyone who can drive drives because public transportation runs at 2-3x capacity (the official term is “super-dense crush load”) and real estate is prohibitively expensive so you have to live far from your work, but even if that weren’t the case you couldn’t walk because there aren’t sidewalks because people have built shacks on them.
  • Crossing the Haji Ali interchange heading southbound to Pedder Road requires going through three red lights and making a U-turn in front of a mall with heavy pedestrian traffic. This schematic boggles the mind. 
  • If I had a dollar for every time I saw a couple sharing a scooter in which the male driver had chivalrously given his helmet to the woman clinging to his back, I would have $0.
  • Did we hit that pedestrian or did that pedestrian hit us? I think the latter. Anyways, everybody’s fine!